Diaries of the Stallion

"You are the single, greatest impediment that stands between yourself and your goals. If you can't conquer yourself, how are you supposed to attain all that you are striving to achieve?" - SirStallion

This blog is for whatever motivates, interests, and inspires me :)


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Reblogged from veganinspo

goodbyekellybelly:

veganpowerup:

gonna go ahead and assume you pluralise hummus the way you pluralise octopus and say I WILL NOW COMMENCE PROJECT ‘MAKE ALL THE HUMMI AND EAT IT FOREVER’

LOL HUMMI. 

but seriously i love this post omg

(Source: veganinspo, via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from pandaaamonium14
abdraconis:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I have this book. These range from “this is fucking hilarious” to “I fear for the state of the human race.”

abdraconis:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I have this book. These range from “this is fucking hilarious” to “I fear for the state of the human race.”

(Source: pandaaamonium14, via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from vatandasinbiri

to-the-tardis-sterek:

i am physically incapable of not reblogging this

(Source: vatandasinbiri, via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from timedragonclock

leandralocke:

kiana-m:

mattisbollywood:

wildbearpajamas:

My mom’s friend adopted this lovely dog after he was abandoned by his previous family. His name is Shaun. Shaun had always been very good at eating all his food. Every last bit that was, he ate it. One day he started leaving a little bit behind. He wouldn’t eat everything, no matter what. He always left a little behind. Every morning when my mom’s friend checked Shaun’s bowl, the food was gone. That was very strange, because Shaun always spent the night by her side.
One night she decided to investigate the food situation. She waited quietly by the food bowl and then, in the middle of the night, a cat came through the window and ate the remaining food. She noticed the cat was actually pregnant. A week or so later the cat came into her house and gave birth to 6 little kittens. Shaun took care of them as if they were his own babies. My mom’s friend adopted the cat too (her name is Meow) and they took care of the kittens until they all found a loving home. Nowadays Meow and Shaun live happily together as a family and they each have their little bowl of food.

interracial couples are always cute

Oh my god that is so precious. 

KITTENS YOUR DADDY IS A DOGGIE. YOU ARE SOME LUCKY BABIES.

image

(Source: timedragonclock, via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from toptumbles

p0uritup:

Oh my god my heart actually exploded from this happiness.

Omg the last gif it waved back omg

So many people always seem to forget just how intelligent elephants are.

the elephant drew the other elephant.

THE ELEPHANT ACTUALLY DREW THE OTHER MOTHERFREAKIN ELEPHANT 

MY HEART, YOU MONSTER

omg 

This is amazing

(via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from pbsparents

george-shrinks:

pbsparents:

Wow. Instagram user Samantha Lee makes food that tells a story! Can you guess who these famous faces/where these famous places are?

Source: http://instagram.com/leesamantha

omigoodness this is fantastic!

(via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from awkwardsituationist

mazesprinter:

jsantagato:

what a fucking joke.

women earn more bachelor’s degrees than men

and yet they make $10k less than men

the logic of the world

(Source: awkwardsituationist, via thelearningbrain)

Reblogged from birlybir

a-walking-accident:

hannibalthecanibal:

brokenasphyxiation:

zetatauri:

ohnonotthedrill:

ndnickerson:

COLLEGE FIRST.

I love how the Addams Family has ZERO slut-shaming. Like… honey you can dance naked and enslave someone with your womanly charms if you want to, I don’t fucking care, but so help me you’re going to get a college education first.

A+ PARENTING

The Addamses are what every family should aspire to be like (you know; without the dismemberment and electric chairs as play time).  Honestly, have you ever seen more unconditionally loving and supportive parents than Gomez and Morticia?  And not just with the kids, but with each other.  I think what’s especially unique about them is how open they are with everything.  They don’t treat their children like children.  They treat them like they treat everyone else; direct, and to the point. 

I HAVE to reblog this…

so many shows about a family use a constant abrasion between the parents in order to bring the plot along. not the addams family, no. gomez and morticia were disgustingly in love to the point that gomez kissing up morticia’s arm to her neck is something that even people who haven’t seen the show will recognize. they have a marriage to strive for

EVERYTHING HERE ^

(Source: birlybir, via blissfulprettythings)

Reblogged from fastcompany
fastcompany:

Harvard Business School researchers found that the poor posture engendered by smartphones and laptops weakens your will.
 

fastcompany:

Harvard Business School researchers found that the poor posture engendered by smartphones and laptops weakens your will.

 

Reblogged from fastcompany

fastcompany:

The second tallest building in the world is more like a vertical city than a building. Think of it like this: the 632-meter tall Shanghai Tower is a bustling mixed-use metropolis with more green space (and even more people) than many cities on the ground can boast of having.

The statistics on the building, which ranks only behind Dubai’s Burj Khalifa in height, are staggering: 521,000 meters squared of floor space, 106 elevators, a weight of 1,200 metric tons, the ability to hold 30,000 people (it really is like a small city), and the kicker—one-third of the building is dedicated entirely to green space.